[Punctuation in relationship]
Posted by: Elle on: October 4, 2009
What do you think is shown in this picture?
There are 10 stages in the knapp model.
Initiating, Experimenting,Intensifying,Integrating, Bonding
Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding and Terminating
5 stages to come together and 5 stages to come apart. Simple? Not exactly.
Does all relationship comes this way? I don’t think so. If all of us were to follow exactly the 5 stages to get together, it will be too inflexible and routine which does not appear to be successful though. It may regress to a previous stage or skip a stage depending on the individuals involved.
When a pair wants to become a couple, these stages may not apply and sometimes it overlaps too. It depends on the personality and character. If the girl is more bold and brave, she would naturally show her feelings without going through stage 1 and 2. She may try to intensify their relationship by establishing physical contact, and at the same time integrate the identity that ” We are a couple” to their friends as they are always seen together in and out.
This applies if there is mutual feelings on the guy side. 
In my opinion, i think Relationship starts with punctuations.
First, you start to question who is this person? how is he/she like? what type of personality does he/she possess?how can i get to know him/her better? etc
Next, you got to know more about this person and start to put fullstops. He/she is kind. He/she is serious in work, considerate, bad tempered, blah blah. Thats where the relationship have developed into some sort of certainty. Sometimes, it may contradict the initial perception.
Lastly, if you ever get to this stage.
Maybe it’s time to start a new paragraph of your life?
Another thought to end it off
Would you wish for such drug to be developed?
What will happen if everyone of us are under this “medication”?
I guessed the knapp model will be useless. Everything seemed to fall in place and occurs naturally and i mean SEEMED! Maybe the existence of true love will cease? Love will be something concocted and not an occurence by fate. There will be no trust in the relationship. Everything will seem to be a facade. Till then, will we still continue to believe what we believed?
16 Responses to "[Punctuation in relationship]"
October 9, 2009 at 3:15 am
Interesting perspective on the topic of love. It actually relates quite closely to real-life situations. Though, I do feel that punctuations should not be placed so hastily, for people do change. True love, to me, is love that can withstand changes. I guess that’s why it can be hard to achieve, for people have different expectations in life, and they change gradually.
Therefore, regarding relationship issues, listening to the heart and looking into the soul is important. After all, not everything that is verbalized is true.
October 9, 2009 at 5:01 am
Nice use of punctuations in the idea of love. How lovely it is to see the start of a relationship as the capital letter of a start of a sentence, the process linked with many obstacle (commas / semi colons / exclamation marks / question marks) and then a relationship ends, a full stop comes into a picture. Though, all our lives, we are on a constant search for a love that is without the full stop and that will be everlasting. Though I believe at time, it is inevitable that relationships will come to an end. And through this, we learn how to communicate better and also learn from our past mistakes in relationships.
As for a love drug? What does it actually mean? Is it something like cupid? That love can be constructed? Puppet? Can love really be controlled or created? Or it is merely just lust?
October 10, 2009 at 10:13 pm
many a time people want to put a “theory” about how everything works in their world..
so we came up with newton’s laws which govern physical objects.. we have the freudian theory which tries to explain behaviours and psychology.. etc..
i guess we shouldn’t be too bounded by whether the model is useful or not in “analyzing” relationships.. but i have to agree with you that when we become fixated on “how something works”.. then that something becomes “unnatural” and “concocted” in the end..
the difference is something like.. “i know she likes flowers and i buy her some to make her happy” and “i know that she will be happy with flowers and so i buy her flowers”..
subtle difference maybe?
sometimes i wish that we do not know so much about how things work.. and leave everything to fate! =)
October 12, 2009 at 3:43 am
I do agree with clouds that it is an interesting perspective to use punctuations in differentiating the different stages of love. But it is only limited to describing the basic stages of a relationship.
I do agree with you that what your initial perception is of a person may be different from what you know about the person after that. It may be a bad initial impression of a person at first but once you know the person, all the prejudices are gone, vice versa. Therefore, the physical appearance plays a huge role in determing our initial perception. As the saying goes, looks can be deceiving =X
October 12, 2009 at 4:54 am
Hey!
Yes I do agree that often relationships start with punctuations, especially at the initial stage where there would be tons of question marks. What is the person like? Where does he usually hang out? etc. Sometimes when you find out about them though and progress to the full stop stage, you realize that maybe you don’t really like that person anymore. Its all more getting to know someone you really like I guess.
As for the love drug, I think it would be really frightening if it were administered! Love would be somewhat controlled then wouldn’t it? And it will not be a natural occurence between couples anymore. I would be spooked if anyone tried to use it on me, and so I don’t think if I had the capability I would do it to others as well. Love is a two way relationship and though sometimes it does not always work out our way we should still respect that ‘rule’.
Interesting read on punctuation! Never saw relationships that way!
October 12, 2009 at 5:29 am
Hmm, I think I see 2 persons engaging in a relationship and it seems that the guy just engage the gal… wait a minute… this topic is about punctuation in relationship not engagement, management and disengagement anymore, LOL!
Knapp Model… Seems too complicated… 5 stages to be together… first, Initiating, well either party have to do this for it to start, it is a step that cannot be skipped, even if it start with the gal. This is because she needs to initialize herself to establish physical contact and then intensify. I am not so sure about experimenting can bring about togetherness only as I think it can bring about apartness too. This can be done by experimenting being apart. Now for intensify, it can likewise be use to move a relationship up a level but if used wrongly can shift it lower. Hey, wait a minute; Initiating can also bring about separation by initialing it… As for Integrating and Bonding, I think it should purely for coming together. Oops, did I just mess up the model or prove it wrong? I don’t think I should go on and evaluate this model…
Elle Model… Punctuations… Question marks and full stops… a very interesting model. But I guess it is not simple either. Throughout a relationship, punctuations do exists and in fact it didn’t stop even with the full stop. At times, a full stop can even start another question mark. A relationship in this model seems to be a question and answer rather than calling it punctuations. Oops, there I go again, messing it up…
Love drug…hey, we no need it at all, Dr Tim Loving. If everyone is under this medication, I don’t think they will understand the meaning in life anymore.
How about listening to another model? Or should I said, the true model that is created by God but understand by few. A relationship is about 1 word. Yes, it is none other than the word LOVE. No, no, no… don’t try to break up the word, LOVE and try explaining it by forming a word each from the letters. We should treat this word as a whole, but how? Let me explain, Human being live on in this world because there is LOVE. No, no, no… don’t think that I am talking about LOVE making then there will be newborn. Yes, with nowadays technology, newborn may not need LOVE making as it can be created by artificial methods. Then what do I mean? Ok, first, we live on in this world, because we LOVE our life. Second, we LOVE others especially our family & friends. Third…Hey wait… few of us actually hate their life and even hate others then why do they live on? Oh, it is actually because of LOVE still. Yes, he/she LOVEs to find out what else is installed for his/her life. Now you understand?
Ok, let me go back to talk relationship and LOVE. First, a person has to LOVE him/herself by LOVEing his life. Second, he/she has to LOVE her/him by LOVEing her/his life, LOVEing the way she/he is, LOVEing how she/he LOVE you… you see, it is all about LOVE but in different area only. So, when LOVE is non-existence in an area, there begins to be a problem in the relationship. Remember in the previous topic, I talk about true complete LOVE? This is what it is about. Hmm, I guess I am not the best person to explain it further too as I haven’t really understand how to go about it perhaps. This is maybe why I am still single… Oh God, please help to explain it to us.
October 13, 2009 at 2:45 am
haha! thanks for quoting it as MY MODEL lol.
hmm interesting view of the term ” Love”
i guessed we each have our own explanations on relationship and is really up to us to prove and assure it with personal experience. =D
October 15, 2009 at 5:29 am
HI LI NI!
I agree with you that the stages in the Knapp Model are flexible. In fact, for some people, several stages might take even longer. Personally, I think that the Knapp Model was assuming that Girl and Boy do not know each other, and it was love at first sight, or lust which led to the various stages of developing. What if they started out as friends already? Would that mean they had skipped stages 1 and 2? Or had it actually took a longer time?
But I disagree on the skipping to stage 3 part immediately if they were strangers. I feel that physical touch is more of like, holding hands, hugging, etc. If skipping immediately, he/she will appear to be too desperate, which won’t be a good impression!
I agree fate plays a big part in love 
cforceleste.blogspot.com
October 16, 2009 at 3:49 am
i think the knapp model is crap. sometimes the initial stages dont occur. its goes to bonding! this is what you would call ‘love at first sight’. sometimes we should not be governed by whatever models, we should live by what we think is right.
for example, in the show ‘ Devil Beside You (er mo zai shen bian)’ the main actor and actress were constantly quarrelling in the early stages. they were more the latter stages of the stupid model. however in the end, they progressed to the bonding stages etc.
so sometimes, these models just don reflect the truth. i have seen cases where couples got to know each other by quarrelling and fighting.
so we should live by what we think is right and not by some crap model.
anyway, the show i mentioned is one of my all time favs! 
November 5, 2009 at 4:07 am
I watched smile too! It’s such a nice drama I like the chemistry between Yui and Jun. Haha okay that’s a little digressing…
I feel that the Knapp model is a very good reference for all of us, especially those who are in a relationship. One can easily fit the stage of their relationship into the model. However, more often than not interpersonal relationships skip certain stages (non-linear). Thus this may not be the most accurate form of reference. Still, using the model allows us to develop the depth of understanding of a relationship!
http://becauseimacommstudent.blogspot.com
November 6, 2009 at 3:48 pm
I shudder to think that a love drug will be invented in near future. Imagine one falls in love with another under the influence of drugs and not based feelings. Scary…
It’s important to be able “feel” for love when in a relationship. True, the model may not exactly be the mould for all our relationships but it provide some signs to indicate to us how intense is the relationship like. There will never be a distinct line to differentiate the stages clearly as afterall, the Knapp model is just a MODEL.
November 6, 2009 at 10:09 pm
Hey, I’m with Wee Meng on this, that human beings need to love and be loved in order to find life truly worth living. Love is beautifully described in the following passage taken from the Bible, in 1 Corinthians 13:1-8. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” If a love-drug were to be invented, it would only cover the feelings part of love. For it would make people FEEL as if they were in love. But love is much more than feelings, if the above passage is anything to go by. Love is a commitment, love is a CHOICE. For example, I may not feel that this person is likable, but I can choose to love the person and treat him/her the way I would want others to treat me. Does the love-drug cover the part about making the choice to love? Medication can only last a person for so long. But commitment goes a long way. Medication may cease to be effective when times get tough (you never know when one’s body might create an opposite reaction), but love holds on till the very end. Through all ups and downs, through life’s challenges, through struggles, through successes, through failures, through hope. And in the first place, people would not want to have a forced love because that very act destroys the beauty of it.
November 8, 2009 at 9:46 pm
This post is interesting=)
I remembered reading an article regaarding the different stages in a relationship. Its some what similar to the knapp model you mentioned in this post. I guess in a relationship, most people fall madly in love at first, slowly that kind of feeling will fade away( not so intense) and to continue in the relationship, both parties need to come to term on their differences and accept them. These stages are commonly found in a relationship….they are just some distinct signsshow in a relationship. Different people have different theory on the stages in a relationship. However, these “distinct signs” are never excluded but say in different way.
It quite interesting that you relate love to punctuation though.
November 8, 2009 at 10:15 pm
I see love as a commitment rather than the passionate feelings. I believe that if two person are meant to be together, they will, and those feelings of passion can be re-ignited anytime, as long as both of them are commited to each other.
November 9, 2009 at 4:41 am
Love is definitly the most random thing you can find on earth. Because its based on our feelings and our feelings tend to change hence we cannot really find any theory that 100% fits for everyone. However, no matter how random it is, I believe that if we were to stay commited to our love and our partner, it doesnt really matter which model or which theory it follows, right?
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October 9, 2009 at 2:20 am
I believe that there is true love, even though globalisation has caused a great shift in thoughts towards relationships.
But I disagree with you that it is not an occurence by fate. Fate, undeniably plays a part in leading up to a relationship. For example, if you like a particular someone, and there’s no fate in you meeting him often, how can a relationship even come close?
The Knapp Model is not in chronological sequence most definitely. But I think it is effective in showing us some of the steps involved in relationships.
Hmm, about the putting of fullstops when you finally get to know someone better in a relationship. I don’t agree with that. Life in my opinion, is not an end in itself, so how can we put fullstops to our perceptions. It’s more of a question mark till the very day that we die. Why do I say this? Well, because I feel that we can’t assign a definitive conclusion of a person as people change constantly.
Anyway, I don’t think a love drug should be developed. I feel that it does against ethical practices because people may use it unethically.
=)Kai Ting