Relationship-KOI
Posted by: Elle on: September 27, 2009
Let me tell you a story about relationship.
It all started with 2 strangers, who sees each other almost every other day. Be it at work, at school, on the way home, etc. It depends on fate and maybe luck too. One day, they got to know each other, oculesics ( eye contact ) plays its role, sparks flew and TADA! Relationship comes into the picture.
THE END
Wait! Isn’t that familiar to you? You meet Strangers, got to know more about each other,and then you decide whether to move on to closer terms eg. friends, couple. Possibility of ending up each is 50-50. We engaged in interpersonal relationship as it is our human nature. It is part of the natural course of communication.
Apart from the friends talk, relationship consists of 3 main processes namely engagement, management and disengagement. I recalled this korean variety show i watched sometime ago called ” We got married”, a production where 2 celebrities are paired up according to their personalities. They were expected to live a married couple life with each other and see if it works.Usually they are paired up with complementaries, i guessed they were conscious that complementary differences played a larger part in sustaining relationship rather than having similar ones. It showed the whole process from the start of engagement: many actually knew about each other ( ok they are celebs though) before they met but hasn’t got any chance to speak to each other. They could be from the same company but hardly see each other during work. Fate plays an important role here.
Thereafter, through activities and games designated by the production crew, they start to open up their hearts and built relationship with their “spouse”. Management comes into place as they were “forced” to have dyadic communication (exchange of information between 2 persons) with each other, gain deeper understanding with each other and eventually act like a couple.
Though not all couples worked out, there are also several where they are really “compatible” and you could see that they were serious about this relationship. I do not deny the fact that this show was for entertainment value, but the genuity of their relationship could be witnessed by the smart audience.
Disengagement came when they had other assignments on hand and they do not have enough time for the filming production. They were often seen teary, reluctant to leave the show, afterall they have been together for months. I believed they really meant it and felt sad for them too. It’s rather similar to any relationship where there is a need to split regardless of any reasons given.
Here’s a video to share.
Apart from the drama part, have you ever wondered this could be one of the reason a relationship have to end?
It does happen! for those who are questioning this.
Here’s another thought to leave with you people…
Guys, how much can you sacrifice in a relationship?
Girls, do you think you can find such soulmate in your life?
17 Responses to "Relationship-KOI"
October 2, 2009 at 1:30 am
Til death do us apart.
Impeding death will never be a reason why I will break up. In fact, I will stay with the one I love until the least day of her life.
After all, love is why we exist.
October 2, 2009 at 1:49 am
Oops, can’t find the edit button. I mean ‘the LAST day of her life’. >____<
October 2, 2009 at 2:11 am
I agree that having someone to stand by you even at your weakest shows that love is indeed, a powerful thing!
Personally, i have not watched the movie before but within that short clip, i was able to feel the love between the 2 characters. The male not giving up on his cancer-stricken female partner despite her only having one month left to live. This shows that even though faced with problems, they tried to work things out with the 2 characters eventually marrying. Thus, I feel that the management stage in a relationship is important as it can either make or break a relationship.
October 3, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Hey,
Sorry for such a late reply. I really like the clip as it’s really touching (as any typical romanace clip would). We should give kudos to these directors as they can produce a flim which triggers the viewers’ most inner fear: a fear of being abandon by someone at one’s crisis. That’s when disengagment comes in.
On the countary, the guy in that flim did not give up on his grilfriend and that shows love do exists beyond practical means. To me, that’s really sweet and I believe such love do exist in reality (at a very minimum amt). Regardless of this, I still hope we all can meet such soulmates in future. -wink wink-
October 3, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I think that couples in a relationship should alwas cherish it and not take it for granted. Thus, communication is very important. It is the only means whereby ideas and thoughts can be shared and if possible develop a shared thinking.
Oh anyway, it’s a wonderful video!
Also I think commitment of time does play a part in disengagements. When one party is too busy too invest time into the relationship, there is less time for the couple to communicate and this may inevitably lead to miscommunications. Thus, ending up in a breakup.
Comment on mine too!!
htttp://commmediadiscourse.wordpress.com
Kai Ting
October 4, 2009 at 5:41 pm
I think it’s not really possible to meet such a perfect soulmate in today’s society. Not because I’m pessimistic about it or anything but it’s just that this kind of things do not really happen in real life, which is why they called this a drama instead of a real life story.
It is not really that impossible to find true love as I think that happiness lies in our hands so we need to go find it instead of dreaming about unrealistic romantic stories I guess.
It’s still a nice, sad and touching video:) i love it!
October 5, 2009 at 12:47 am
still staying hopeful and anticipating to meet my true love~~~
wishing that i’ll marry my only one ))
October 5, 2009 at 1:44 am
I see Eita! =D But yes that’s not the main point.
I think love is finding that special someone that completes you. One that stays by your side no matter what. But it isn’t easy to find that special someone like as shown in the video. So much other external factors take into effect when we fall in love. Love in reality is never so simple as boy meet girl, boy chase girl, girl fall in love with boy, girl marries boy, and they live happily ever after. Sometimes, a lot of other things will affect a relationship. (E.g. Family, friends, situations)
Perhaps love is just a fairytale. Though I would wait stupidly for this fairytale to come true.
October 6, 2009 at 3:36 am
Undying love = Fairy Tales
Well at least thats what i feel. Theres hardly any relationships that i see are smooth sailing from dating to marriage till death forces them apart. No hipcups but pure happy ending? Do you think thats ever realistic in this world, in these societies that are so full of complexity? Complexity and reality shapes human nature. As to how they view relationships and how they govern one. People do love but at the same time theres also an element that co-exist, & thats HURT. They attempt to love but simultaneously they oso hurt others. So can things really be that pure, naive & beautiful? Seriously, I doubt so. Perhaps you can really meet such a wonderful guy that can accomplish what the male lead had in the video but how high is that chance? Its significantly low and i’m sure most would agree with me.. But still, dream about it, its not that bad to engulf yourself in one of your ideal fairy tale, especially in face of a life with such a harsh realities. At least i would say it keeps you happy and optimistic at heart but don’t overdo it because its may backfire and that would sure hurts *Wink
October 6, 2009 at 7:23 am
Hey! this female lead act in mei-chan no shitsuji! but ok..nothing to do with this post.
Main thing is, just the clip along give me the impression that this is a sad romantic drama. I think that one of the saddest reason for a couple to part is death. Just when you though you have found your another half, then you are force to separate by the cycle of live, life and death. So, hope that all couples are able to have happy ending and not reach the stage of disengagement! And to me, I think that the most difficult stage of a relation would be the management stage. Because, if a relation is not being managed properly, it could easily lead to disengagement. And it is through this management stage that couples learns to learn how to be more understanding, caring and the right way to communicate with each other. But if things really doesn’t work out, then guess disengagement is inevitable. But I still think that Disengagement is a NO NO NO!(if posibble…)
Nice post! Keep it up!=]
Pei
October 6, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Many of us think relationship depends on fate, but this might not be really true. We tend to think too much and complicate things at times. Remembering 卓文萱《一个人勇敢》lyrics, “两个人世界多简单 就是我爱你 你爱我 不难” (2 persons living together in this world is so simple, it is just I love U, U love me, Not difficult). This is the power of true complete love between them, making everything simple. Many of us don’t think so that they can find such a person that will truly love them full heartedly. With this thought, he/she cannot love others full heartedly also as there is fear that his/her effort might go to waste. They then lost the will to fight for happiness, and will like to say lines similar to these: “leave it to fate” or “this is fate”… What we need, is have confident in ourselves. Remember Selina told the girl in the song《星星之火》these words “the future is in your hands”. This is especially true, as if the girl stops moving ahead, she will never get to her destination in life.
Many of us think too highly of themselves or other, like he/she come from a wealthy family, he/she come from a family with status… and think that they cannot match together. Others think the other way round which is lowly. Just recently, in the newspaper there is a karung guni man that finally wins the heart of a childcare centre principal, this is again the power of true complete love, making ‘mismatch’ matches. If they can put down their differences, why can’t us?
Some of us go all out to find that perfect soulmate, but didn’t realize actually he/she might be just beside them right now. We need to learn to treasure those people around us that care for us. These include our family, friends, colleagues… care for them in return. Who know, inside them, 1 can become your soulmate one day. This is like the story above, seeing each other, being together at times and one day…BOOMZ(LOL!)… They become in love! He/she might not know you a lot at first, therefore did not want to commit so much, but as days passes by, he/she see your true colors and beauty…and then BOOMZ(again…LOL!), a happy fulfilling relationship begins.
Some of us are hurt too much when a relationship fails. Some of us are in a relationship but it doesn’t seem to be the one that they really want or hope for. He/she then begins to think that true complete love never exists in real world. But, it can exists, if both parties put down all the differences, see any flaws as a beauty… but how many people can do it? Or should I say, how many people believe they can do it? It is because they don’t believe and that why they see it as impossible. Just recently I watched 《不凡的爱》repeat telecast and it shows me that through persistence, one can bring about a desired ending.
Few of us think that they can find a really compatible partner in life. But actually, there is no such thing as compatible is a barrier. Compatibility can be overcomes by the power of true complete love. As few of us know what is true complete love or fails to realize it or give it… they then begin to think that this might be what is best they can get for now and try to live with it. Then one day, BOOMZ(LOL, 3rd time), something happens to their relationship… actually it happens because they gradually causes it.
Few of us know that really how to engage, manage or disengage a relationship. Yes, we are not really taught in school, by family, friend, colleague, stranger, website, drama, radio, book, newspaper… whatever. Actually, it is inside us naturally, it is just that our thoughts complicated them. We need to stops thinking of these so called factors like physical, physiological, emotional, environmental, social…
With these “manys”, “somes”, “fews”, come lower marriage rate, higher divorce rate, lower birth rate. I hope those that read my comment learn something from it. I hope I don’t get too boring by adding a nice ‘word’, BOOMZ(4th…LOL) to the comments here and there. Thanks for your time!
See, Li Ni, I told u this is a simpler topic, and again BOOMZ(final time…LOL), I got the longest comments, a hat-trick!!!
October 6, 2009 at 6:56 pm
I agreed that it is hard to find a soulmate or our true love in our society today. Everyone is so busy with their personal commitments and thus, making it harder and lesser chance to discover the one that truly understands you. Therefore, we are so touched when we watch such dramas which portray the undying love between two person. However, I still believe that we all have someone who truly understands us, who is at one corner of this world, waiting to be discovered by us, which is not just seen in dramas/movies=P
October 8, 2009 at 4:09 am
I think your analysis can be similarly based on DeFleur et al (2005) framework of three processes, Relationship Formation, Maintenance and Dissolution.
I totally agree with you that there is always a 50-50 chance.
Although having said that, I think that for a relationship to work out, more effort is needed rather than just to rely on fate. And I feel that in the show, “We got married” the actor and actress are exaggerating or acting most of the time, just to make the show more interesting. Furthermore, the show always portrays the man, as very charming and patient to the girl. But we don’t know if he is really like that in reality or was he just behaving that way so he will have more female fans who are mesmerise by him.
Lastly, I believe in having a soulmate too!
cforceleste.blogspot.com
October 16, 2009 at 3:29 am
it is not easy to find someone you love, let alone someone who understands you. it is not wrong to dream, when your snow white/prince charming comes for you. sometimes it is not all about fate, effort plays a big part too. the whole concept can be illustrated in ‘ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni’ (lazy to key in chinese 
). if you watched the whole show, it shows that not even fate is important, effort plays a huge role too. hence for a relationship to work, both factors play a big part.
anyway i hope to be ji cunxi
November 5, 2009 at 2:30 am
Sniff. The video was so sad!! Did the girl die in the end?
Anyway, with regards to your question on whether girls can truly find their soulmate in life… I think it depends on 1. Their standards. If girls set their standards too high they will never find their soulmate, let alone have their soulmate exist. 2. Luck. What if such a soulmate exists but you never get a chance to meet? That would be such a pity.
A lovey dovey relationship is really hard work, and often the media gives us the impression of a love that is really too good to be true.
November 8, 2009 at 6:17 pm
i really like the “stages of a relationship” that we were talking about the other day..
it’s very true.. in a way.. =)
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October 1, 2009 at 5:38 pm
HELLO THERE LI NI!
When our instructor asked what are some possible reasons for break up (disengagement), I wanted to say it’s DEATH you know! And it’s also because of this story (April Bride) :’(
(Side track a bit)
that’s why she chose to live life to the fullest, and even be an encouragement to people — to check up regularly and also to encourage other cancer patients.
I think the story’s so saddddd :’( it’s based on the true story of this girl who has breast cancer. she discovered at one of the later stage and the cancer cells had already spread through her body, and she’s only left with a month to live. can you imagine yourself being in her shoes? she has to lose the love of her life once she dies
And, I also watched We Got Married! Not a true advocate of the variety show, but I am a fan of the sangchu couple. haha
(now back to the point)
I think in many occasions, the development of a relationship is often oversimplified! (Like in dramas, movies, etc) Then even after the engagement stage, there’s the management stage where people involved in the dyadic relationship must work out any problems or issues. To me, that is the toughest stage because people often disregard differences at the engagement stage, and plunge into a relationship. Then at the maintainence stage, they realise that have too many differences that cannot be worked out together and thus lead to disengagement.
So that’s why, to me, I will be extra careful at the engagement stage already!
http://becauseimacommstudent.blogspot.com
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